The Daily Dose by The Queen Mum

Monday, June 12, 2006

When the Bells Toll

Where do I begin? As if I didn't wear enough hats already, this past weekend I became a wedding coordinator. It started as an innocent request to hang around the church to be available to the bridal party while my designer friend decorated the reception location. Little did we know, the church did not 'take charge' of the wedding ceremony as assumed and I was instantly transformed from lackey to coordinator with one questioning look from the bride. EEK!

It all started Friday night at the rehearsal. No one from the church was stepping in to take charge. Finally the lady who opened the doors and turned on the lights explained that she was there for just that, then locking up. Too bad there wasn't a photo taken of our ashen faces. Shock does not begin to describe it. Somewhere between horror, disbelief and unconsciousness was where my brain was residing at that moment.

Well, my friend and I somehow pulled it off at the rehearsal. We coordinated the ceremony based on the program the bride brought and very little guidance from the priest, as if we had prepared to do this all along. It was brilliant.

Now...if you'll recall the anxiety you felt when it was your wedding. Imagine being responsible for the wedding of a complete stranger that you had nothing to do with until 20 hours prior. I recall an expression an old friend used to use..."nervous as a whore in church". I couldn't even pee I was so tied up in knots the day of the wedding.

I was really getting good at faking it. I should have video taped this entire ordeal and sent it to that TV channel that does the 'faking it' series. "Is the XXX taken care of?" someone would ask. "Of course!" I answered enthusiastically, then rummaged around in my notes to make sure I had that bit covered. I figured that as long as no one could smell my fear I'd be fine. Much like being cornered by a pack of wolves, or my fighting children.

Of course my friends are reading this thinking that I'd be born for this roll, bossing people around, being in control... and with a different scenario, this could have been more comfortable. But I'm not good with surprises of this magnitude and lack of preparation. However, we pulled it off without a hitch. There were a few small things, but nothing anyone would know or care about. We were blessed to NOT have a Bridezilla nor did we have the overbaring mother's. The family was a dream to work with and I had about 12 hours to be someone other than Mom. Plus, I didn't nurse the baby for that long, nor did I pump. So I got lots of praises from the brides parents, a fantastic steak dinner, and the most gorgeous pair of hooters I've ever seen on myself ever. Now if I could stop the nightmares of wedding bells tolling, and waking in a cold sweat wondering where the guest book is, I'd be back to normal. But beware..The next time I hear wedding bells I'm likely to drop to the ground in the fetal position.


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